I’ve finally cracked. My insanity is now manifesting itself on to my belongings and Thursday morning my glasses became its latest victim. I had just come in from the freezing cold outdoors and my lenses began steaming up as the heat rose, or something. I don’t understand the science bit of why this happens, I just know it’s annoying.
I took them off to clear the steam and there on the left lens was a giant crack right across the centre. Putting my glasses back on caused me to see everything underlined. Suddenly all the dust and dirt in my house was glaring at me with a massive underscore. I’m just waiting for someone to turn on the bold feature and perhaps then I’ll feel guilted enough into actually doing some cleaning.
With me being me, I obviously do not have a spare pair of glasses. Oh no, that would be the sane thing to do, and we’ve established that sanity has long given up the ghost in Storkland.
Of course, I live in Merry Old England and in this super efficient country one should never be inconsiderate enough to have any kind of emergency just before the weekend. Break your leg on a Friday and you will be stuck in hospital until Monday. True Story!! That actually happened to Offspring the First a few years ago. I spent the entire weekend with him, whining, annoyed, impatient and wanting to get the hell out – and that was just me. Did you know that your chances of dying in hospital increase by 10% if you are admitted at the weekend? Next time I get sick on a Friday I’ll take my chances and stay home.
The opticians thought that I obviously had nothing else to do because I couldn’t see anyway and they decided that since my last sight test was over a year ago that I should have one prior to them fixing my glasses. Luckily, there were only few idiots like me around on Thursday, so they had time to make me read tiny letters straight away.
Have you ever had a sight test? It’s a fun experience. They sit you in a darkened room on a leather chair and then make you wear a contraption straight out of a science fiction movie as they keep interchanging lenses making your vision go from super sharp to blurry and then back again. It’s like a roller coaster for eyes. Barely have your eyes recovered from that 0-60 adventure, when the optician gets really close and whilst he makes you look at his tiny light, he gazes into your pupils. I swear I had more intimacy with the optician that I have ever had with Sparkly Wand.
The good news is I passed the test. No need to change my prescription at all. Oh, thank you for that. Can I please have my glasses fixed now? As it turns out, my trusty spectacles, which I have had for three years, were quite literally on their last legs. They had definitely seen (no pun intended) better days.
So by now I’ve been tested in oh so many ways, chosen new frames and have to decide between wearing my oversized prescription sunglasses on the year’s most cloudy day or the ancient pair of reactive to light glasses, which are not completely the correct prescription and hark back to the days when rimless glasses were fashionable. They’re so old that they’ve given up on life and now remain a permanent shade of dim. Kind of like some people I know!
Just for funsies, I chose option two and now have the pleasure of seeing a skewed shaded world until I get my new pair. The opticians were kind enough to put them down as urgent and will have my order expedited for Monday…. or Tuesday. Maybe Wednesday. Definitely some time this week. I’m still having my old pair fixed. One never knows when one will need a spare set. Probably never, now that I’ll have them.
So whilst I am definitely not seeing the world through rose tinted spectacles, I’m not seeing the dust either. So I guess I’m seeing silver linings after all.
UPDATE: I now have my shiny new glasses, so I no longer have a distorted view of the world. Not a physical one anyway.
- Does eye-care have to cost the earth? (moneysavingguides.com)
- I went to grad school and all I got were these silly glasses. (equalpartsofawhole.wordpress.com)
- Have expensive specs lost their sex appeal? Haggling and mending their old glasses…shoppers put opticians in peril (thisismoney.co.uk)